Hi! Hello! Hey, there, gorgeous!
Thank you for tuning in! Your time is precious and I'm honored that you've chosen to spend it with me. Grab your favorite mug because we're going to be spilling all the good tea today!
I know my Tea Times have been sporadic lately. Of course, I've been writing all over Her Campus Montclair and I encourage you to read all those articles! My favorite articles right now are "How It Feels Being A Disney College Program Alumna During Covid" and "Estheticians Share Their Skin Care Routines". I promise you're in for a treat if you read those.
But still, I've been struggling to write on my personal platform these past few months. My drafts keep piling up but I haven't been able to find the right words that make those drafts worth publishing. Sometimes I just hover over my keyboard, staring at a blank page, and wonder where my spark is hiding. I love writing. I love inspiring. So why haven't I been able to keep up with my blog anymore?
Thankfully, I found an answer to that daunting question while driving to work one day. My favorite podcast, Awesome with Alison, was comforting me through my car speakers and suddenly, Alison shared some magical words. It's as if she'd been hearing my creation struggles this whole time.
In her episode 141: How to create your dreams & life with joy, she said she needed to remind herself while writing her book that the goal is to touch one person's heart. That should be enough. Creating content for loads of people to benefit from is a beautiful thing, but once we get into a result-oriented mindset, the process becomes overwhelming and less effective. Our work can resonate with so many people, but we need to have one specific person in mind and the rest will fall into place.
So, who was I writing to when I was creating all the blog posts that I couldn't seem to push out into the world? I was writing to the people I felt I needed to prove myself to. The people who make me feel that I'm not powerful. The people who tell me I'm not special. The people who criticize everything I do. The people who I'm afraid will judge me. The people who tell me that I'm not doing enough. The people who no matter what I do, I can't impress them. The people who love gossiping about me. The people who thought my relationship was entertainment while I was sorting through tough decisions. I was writing from a place of not feeling good enough.
As I reviewed old drafts and reflected on some of my thoughts, I saw anger and frustration between the lines. I felt like I was shouting to be heard and loved because I was constantly seeking validation from people who refuse to accept me as I am. I was giving negative people in my life control over me. I was allowing their restrictive thoughts to be my guide. All that's lead to is resentment and held me back from allowing inspiration to pour out of me.
I also fell into a bit of a results-oriented mindset. I was so concerned that none of you would read my work and genuinely enjoy it. The number of views on certain posts wasn't high enough for me and I felt a constant need to engage people with my writing. I wanted to post, but not too much because then people might get bored. I wanted to write tips and tricks, but they had to be the best of the best, or else they might not be interesting enough.
Then, Alison mentioned "carefree flow" by letting go of rigid standards and allowing fun to guide us through the process. She mentioned how meditation and leisure activities are what enable fun and improve what we create. It felt like a lightbulb went on. When I flow through yoga poses, I feel connected to my higher self. I notice love and peace surrounding me. But when I'm in contact with those negative people, I'm drowning in their nasty comments and trying to prove that I'm worth more than they say I am.
When I was allowing them to be prominent figures in my life, they got in the way of my flow. Sometimes they hurt me intentionally, other times they were projecting their feelings onto my and I internalized it. Either way, I was allowing them to keep me stagnant.
Listening to Alison's words shifted my perspective. I no longer want to create to prove myself because I have nothing to prove to anyone. I want this blog to allow me to heal which is why I started it in the first place. Camryn's Tea Time is a place for me to step into my power and share what I've been learning with the hope that my loved ones will feel inspired as well. Ultimately, this blog is for me.
I invite anyone who reads my blog to feel comforted by the words lighting up their screens. It makes my heart glow when someone reaches out to me saying how supported they feel by a post I made or how helpful my tips were to them. I hope I can continue to help others, but I need to continue filling my cup so I can pour it into others.
I want to flow more. I feel free when I step onto my mat and find an elegant rhythm during a sun salutation. I do yoga so I can apply what I've learned during my practice to other areas of my life. I'm committing to improving letting go of expectations and allowing myself to flow more when it comes to building my best life. It's not going to be a linear journey. Healing takes time. But I invite you to find empowerment in everything I share.
Here's to me letting go. Here's to me welcoming my flow. Here's to showing up for myself every day even when I experience self-doubt. Here's to forgiving myself for chasing after the validation of people who make me feel small. Here's to my creating incredible content that will inspire one person at a time, even if the only person who resonates with my work is me.
I am enough.
