Compassion. (noun)
com·​pas·​sion| \kəm-ˈpa-shən\
sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it.
~definition is from Merriam Webster Dictionary~
Compassion. Lately, in almost every podcast I listen to and on almost every wellness social media account I follow, this word keeps popping up over and over again. Compassion. Every time I'm reminded of that word, I've had a stronger urge to write about it. Being compassionate is what we need to shed light on one another during this dark time. Well, my dear friends, grab your cup of tea and get ready for today's tea party where we talk about how to be compassionate to ourselves. In a future post, I'll talk all about how to be compassionate towards others during this crisis. I feel it's most important to care for ourselves first and fill up our cups before we can spread our love to everyone else. Let's start sipping on this positivi-tea!
Let's talk about what we may have been experiencing...
We're in the midst of a stressful time. The coronavirus and it's destruction are all anyone can talk about. The news is a constant reminder that more people are getting sick and that healthcare workers are struggling. We're reminded day after day that people are losing money and jobs and are filing for unemployment. Even commercials on non-news channels are speaking about coronavirus. Social media feeds are talking about it. I'm talking about it right now. We can't even safely leave our homes, which is another reminder of the work this virus has done. Everything we do, from constantly washing our hands to wiping down groceries when we pluck up the courage to go outside, revolves around the coronavirus. Amber alerts are going off every other day, leaving a horrible beeping noise ringing in our ears. If you're living with individuals who are older than 65, like I am, or with people that have underlying health issues, it makes this even more stressful because there's the fear that the disease might claim them. For those of you that have the virus, it's just as scary. You don't know how it's going to affect you or the people you love around you. No matter which side of the story you're on, it's scary.
In addition to this, there's also the stress of the unknown. We don't know when this will clear up and it seems every day we're hearing different news. We're worried about future internships and schedules and what will happen to our future plans. I know some of us were hoping to stay in Disney for longer, but we're now looking into going back to our old schools with our heads hung low. So many of us are working on online classes and watching the amount of work we have stack up. We're trapped in our houses with other people who are just as stressed out. Maybe some of us have difficult relationships with our families and being confined in a house with them is creating more anxiety. We also can't ignore that there might have been stressors that started before the virus even began that we're still battling with on top of everything else.
There's stress about the virus, our lifestyles right now, and our future. There's no denying that no matter what situation you're in, it's tough. No matter how big or small the problems you're experiencing, they're still problems and they can still take a toll on your mental health. And you need to know that it's okay.
Being compassionate to ourselves...
We need to take care of ourselves before we can take care of others. And we need to understand how to take care of ourselves so we can help others understand our needs.
Honor your loss.
I would like to honor what each one of us is feeling. Many of us are experiencing a sense of loss. Maybe we lost our dream internship, maybe we lost our senior year of college before going out into the "real world", maybe we lost our prom and graduation, maybe we lost a vacation we were looking forward to for a long time, maybe we lost a sense of security that we got from seeing our friends every day, maybe we lost our peace of mind, or maybe we've lost a person from this horrible sickness. The list of things we lost could go on. Whatever you feel has been taken from you as a result of the virus, allow yourself to sit with that for a moment. Give yourself permission to feel the hurt. Of course, the virus is out of our control and so many people are suffering from losses great and small, but your loss deserves to be heard too. Honor your sadness. And remember, it's okay that these things aren't okay. It's not okay that these things were taken from us. But it's okay to not be okay.
Embrace what you're feeling.
A lot of intense emotions can come up in times like this. A lot of intense emotions can pop up even if we weren't in these circumstances. But something that has been helping me has been acknowledging whatever emotions bubble to the surface when they come up. Whatever anger, sadness, resentment appears I tell that feeling that it's welcome here. I let it pass through. By accepting what I'm feeling, I let the emotion take its course and come back to a calm state. Pushing away our emotions, invalidating them, or bottling them up only makes them stronger and more destructive. Embrace what you're feeling. Validate it. You're allowed to have these feelings.
Give yourself some space.
You have the right to give yourself space. Mentally distancing yourself from the people you're living with for just a few minutes can really make a difference. Putting your phone down and turning off all screens can help with anxiety. Allow yourself to breathe for even just five minutes. Let yourself feel what you need to feel and let it out. Remind yourself that you don't need to figure everything out at once.
Vent.
There are so many difficult emotions to sort through right now. And the unknown is a daunting topic. Although these emotions probably won't go away, letting them out might help calm your nerves. If you have people who you trust with your most intense feelings and know that you're going to leave the conversation feeling validated, talk to them. Perhaps they'll open up to you too and you can all support one another. If you don't think anyone is going to give you the validation you need, try journaling. Of course, you can still journal and talk to loved ones. :) Writing your thoughts out and having a visual representation of them makes it easier to sort through.
Speaking of confiding in other people, make sure you set the conversation up for success. Since everyone is under so much stress, they may not be able to give you the support you need unless you explicitly tell them what you're looking for. When you give them the heads up, they have a moment to mentally prep themselves to be completely present for you. For example, say something like, "Hi BFF, I'm really upset right now. I was hoping I could talk about it with you. I just want someone to listen, I don't need advice right now", or something like that. Tell them if you want them to listen or for advice and let them know how you're feeling so they can figure out how to meet your needs.
Get some social distancing interactions.
Group video chatting is a beautiful thing. Hearing the laughter of the friends you love can boost your mood. Of course, it's impossible to expect that we can all talk for hours on end every day. Be open to just quietly coexisting while still carrying on with your activities. Knowing that you have someone right there makes you feel connected.
Self-care.
Journaling and talking to people are already wonderful acts of self-care. But there are so many things you can do to talk care of yourself. I could write endless blog posts about self-care ideas and it's importance, but I'll save that for another time. Just work on accomodating what you need at the moment. Do you need to be social? Do you need to move around a little bit? Do you need to eat? Do you need to relax? Figure out what you need and go from there. Anything from yoga to bubble baths will work! As long as you're treating yourself with love.
Remember to be gentle with yourself.
Because what is beating yourself up going to accomplish? We want to act out of compassion. Treat yourself with love. No matter how big or small your problems are, no matter how much anxiety you struggle with on the day to day, no matter what the circumstance is, you still deserve to be treated with love. Remind yourself that this isn't easy. Remind yourself that your best is enough. Engaging in self-care and mindfulness are all acts of compassion. Expressing your feelings is beyond helpful. Give yourself the space to be who you need to be. Even on the really rough days where everything seems to be a trigger and you can't seem to properly communicate your feelings because you're so full of anger and frustration, treat yourself gently. You have got your own back and other people want to be by your side as well.
Treat yourself like you would treat your pet!
If you looked at that header and got confused, stick with me. I promise it makes sense! Imagine your pet or favorite animal friend. Even think about a friend's pet that you have a good relationship with. No matter what happened during the day, no matter how many mistakes you made, no matter how helpful and wonderful you were, that pet is always so excited to see you. Your pet loves you unconditionally. You deserve to treat yourself with that same love. Also, when your pet does something wrong, you're gentle with it. Imagine your pup went into your room and thought it would be fun to have a wrestling match with your shoes. When you see the aftermath, you scold the pet for a moment and then do what you need to do so the problem gets fixed. You don't try to guilt it or make it feel worse about itself. You make it known that the pet did something wrong, but then give your pet so much love and everything goes back to being okay. We deserve to treat ourselves that way too instead of beating ourselves up and holding grudges against ourselves. Just take care of the problem the best you can and go back to loving yourself unconditionally. When you get upset with yourself, talk to yourself as if you were talking to your favorite furry friend.
Remember...you are a being of love and light.
Well, my loves, I hope today's Tea Time made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Take the time to be there for yourself. If you have any self-compassion tips or any self-care ideas, comment them below! I'd love to hear all about them. :) I'll be in touch soon with a post on how to be compassionate towards others. Until then, take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself.
xoxo,
Camryn